Surprise of the day: Jalopnik Commenters are whiny complainers.  A rant.

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 03/23/2016 at 11:34 • Filed to: rant, Subaru

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I was reading through the initial reactions to the new Impreza sport on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! last night and man alive...what a bunch of ninny whiners.

Mrrrf it looks like other cars!

Gaaah it has a big nose!

Splee they call this a sport?!

Great crap on a stick, don’t you people realize its just an entry level Subaru?! They’ve ALWAYS been ugly...that’s kinda Subaru’s thing.

Oh look, is that a corolla?! No, just a 1st gen base model Impreza

Eww, is that a Neon with a spoiler and flared arches? Nope, just a 2nd gen bugeye Impreza sedan.

Yikes?! whats that ungainly thing? What a nose! Yeah...

oh cool, a Camry! Seeing a pattern emerge?

I guess people only seem to remember the WRX/STI/GT/2.5RS et al. and seem to forget that underneath all the glitz and boost all Imprezas are deeply unattractive things. Frankly, I think the new impreza is one of the few that’s actually, kinda sorta attractive as a base model.

Perhaps a little overstyled but certainly not bland.

Ash78, voting early and often > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:37

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Subaru has always been kind of bland and awkward. I think this is the best looking car they’ve ever done, especially since the WRX is now sedan-only for some idiotic reason.

cazzyodo > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:37

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I legitimately thought the lead image on the article was a Mazda3 and Ballaban was messing with us.

That being said, my friend is shopping these and has been paying attention to all rumors, announcements, etc. He said the same as you, it’s a base level car so people shouldn’t be pissed it doesn’t look like a Corvette for under $20k.

HammerheadFistpunch > Ash78, voting early and often 03/23/2016 at 11:37

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Right?! Bland and awkard is what makes a Subaru a Subaru.

Ike > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:38

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The ugly is why I like them? If that were good looking they would cost to much! Keep Subaru ugly! (This would be my campaign slogan

OPPOsaurus WRX > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:38

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i thought this was an ugly car

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

but i still miss it greatly

HammerheadFistpunch > cazzyodo 03/23/2016 at 11:39

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I can’t believe it doesn’t have 20 inch wheels with 18 inch brakes and 3 hood scoops?! What is this garbage Subaru?!

Ash78, voting early and often > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:39

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Yeah, plus selling tons of cars to LGBT, but advertising heavily to traditional families and...uh...dogs. Confusion and comma splices: It’s what makes, a, Subaru, a, Subaru

HammerheadFistpunch > Ike 03/23/2016 at 11:39

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You’ve got my vote.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:41

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ninny whiners

I like the word “ninnyhammer”.

HammerheadFistpunch > OPPOsaurus WRX 03/23/2016 at 11:41

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That was a fantastically pretty car from all these angles:

The back

The back at a slight angle

Thats it.

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:44

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What is this the Bugeye is gorgeous do you even have eyes

BJ > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:44

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That last picture, the shiny red thing that looks like a slightly muscular Corolla: is this what we are whining about? Really? I think that’s a good-looking car. Not the best-looking, but good.

The problem is probably more about change than it is about the actual styling. It’s new, it’s different, change is scary!

BigBlock440 > Ash78, voting early and often 03/23/2016 at 11:45

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Aside from one generation, hasn’t it always been a sedan?

HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 03/23/2016 at 11:45

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I have no eyes for bugs

HammerheadFistpunch > BJ 03/23/2016 at 11:45

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yeah...that’s the one.

Tohru > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:45

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I can't believe you'd settle for 18" brakes on a $20k Subaru.

Andrew T. Maness > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:46

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AMEN! The comments my photos spurred were ridiculous. I think that it’s fine. If anything it could be uglier.

HammerheadFistpunch > Andrew T. Maness 03/23/2016 at 11:46

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Yeah, I saw some of the hate on that post...people make me sad sometimes.

Tohru > For Sweden 03/23/2016 at 11:47

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I see we have a bugeye apologist in the group. Shun him!

shuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnn

bob and john > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:47

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Joking aside, I actually thought it was a mazda 3

extraspecialbitter > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:47

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Great crap on a stick, don’t you people realize its just an entry level Subaru?! They’ve ALWAYS been ugly...that’s kinda Subaru’s thing.

*looks at my impreza*

CB > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:47

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I personally think the hawkeye generation was the best looking. Although that new one looks pretty swell, although they went a little crazy with all the swoops.

HammerheadFistpunch > extraspecialbitter 03/23/2016 at 11:47

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I have a history of buying ugly cars, and my Subaru was no exception. Its no shame to love an ugly car.

HammerheadFistpunch > CB 03/23/2016 at 11:49

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SWOOPS ALL THE THINGS!! I thought the hawkeye STI was nice looking, but the base model was strangely proportioned imo.

Noah - Now with more boost. > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:49

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Not bland, I like it and hope they base the new WRX off of this, it’ll look great.

BrtStlnd > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:50

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I will co-sign on your thesis.

HammerheadFistpunch > Noah - Now with more boost. 03/23/2016 at 11:50

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Bland its not. Strange? sure, Awkward? yup. Maybe a little ugly? yeah, but at least its not bland, per-se.

CB > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:50

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The hatch looked better than the sedan. I dunno, there’s just something endearing about it.

But yeah, the STi looked awesome. Dual wings for the win!

shop-teacher > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:51

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Agreed. I actually think it looks pretty good, too.

B/Xmrrmvr > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:53

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This also includes a good chunk of Opponauts.

HammerheadFistpunch > B/Xmrrmvr 03/23/2016 at 11:53

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I don’t discriminate with my rants, they can be included.

Noah - Now with more boost. > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:54

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I actually think that Subarus have been getting better and better looking over the past few years. This is way better than a new Civic, which is SO overdesigned IMO. Especially from the rear. Also this is probably the best Subaru impreza interior to date! all of this is purely subjective though, of course

HammerheadFistpunch > Noah - Now with more boost. 03/23/2016 at 11:55

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No, you are wrong, its boring ans stupid and ugly and looks like other cars and you should expect more from an entry level sedan from a conservative and relatively small auto manufacture.

Jarrett - [BRZ Boi] > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 11:59

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I like Subaru’s latest offerings the bestest for styling :D

I hope the brand is successful with their new design language, so they can continue to build us Rex’s for years to come.

OPPOsaurus WRX > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 12:04

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nope, well not with the black., i thought the lights stood out too much.

not for canada - australian in disguise > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 12:09

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Subaru has really built their reputation on ugly, but utilitarian and extremely useful cars, just look at some of the cars they’ve made in the past.

In fact, the only really good looking Subies I can think of is the Leggy wagon of the mid-2000s and the SVX, the reason the SVX flopped is because people EXPECTED a Subie to be utilitarian and conservative. That’s why make boring looking cars, because when they don’t, they flop.

HammerheadFistpunch > not for canada - australian in disguise 03/23/2016 at 12:10

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That generation of Legacy, sedan and wagon are going to be coveted one day, buy up all the LGT manuals now.

cazzyodo > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 12:11

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I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOT BUTTER!

Birddog > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 12:12

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Splee?

cazzyodo > Ash78, voting early and often 03/23/2016 at 12:13

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My gf’s mom got a Forester a few years ago. I showed up and asked how she liked it. Father yells from the other room, “Yeah, how do you like the les-mobile?!?!”

PC? No. Perfect to piss off his wife as intended? Yes.

HammerheadFistpunch > Birddog 03/23/2016 at 12:13

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shop-teacher > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 12:13

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Preach it! I refer to my Roadmaster wagon as “homely with a capital ugly.” I love that stupid car!

Leadbull > BigBlock440 03/23/2016 at 12:19

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No

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 12:19

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If you think of them as mostly 14 boys it makes sense.

HammerheadFistpunch > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 03/23/2016 at 12:20

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Are you suggesting that all the Jalopnik Comments are the result of 14 boys and lots of burner accounts? Because I might believe you.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 12:22

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Pretty much, yeah.

Ash78, voting early and often > cazzyodo 03/23/2016 at 12:22

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My wife literally wouldn't consider one several years ago because of the "what would people think?" aspect. To be fair, Subies are very rare here, so the proportionality of ownership skews very heavily towards tattoos and buzz cuts (neither of which she has). Some people are just too image conscious.

BigBlock440 > Leadbull 03/23/2016 at 12:23

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I’ve never seen any other generations in hatch form, they couldn’t have been popular. Even a google search of “WRX hatchback” only got me one generation.

DoYouEvenShift > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 03/23/2016 at 12:26

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I was gonna say spoiled 15 year old girls.

Leadbull > BigBlock440 03/23/2016 at 12:29

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Both the 2nd and 3rd gens had hatchback options.

DoYouEvenShift > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 12:32

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My first encounter with one of these was shortly after I bought an LS1 TA. He pulls and next to me and sings the song of his people. I literally thought to myself, cool someone turbod a Corolla, this may be interesting.

Dude was a good sport though, even after I put a couple bus lenghts on him. After he told me what it was and what was done to it. I kept the Corolla thing to myself lol.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > DoYouEvenShift 03/23/2016 at 12:33

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Girls tend to whine less at that age though.

DoYouEvenShift > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 03/23/2016 at 13:06

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Really?

Maybe I just hung out with the wrong ones.

wiffleballtony > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 13:49

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You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2016 at 14:12

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It doesn’t matter what the car is, people will bitch. “It’s too bland, it looks like a Camry / Accord Coupe.” “It’s ugly and looks all weird and not like anything else.” Well, it can either look like everything else or it can look different. Either way people complain.